Disgusted

I am disgusted with myself.

For many, many reasons.

Recently I let someone get the best of me with her bitterness...and that's not something I aspire to be.

That needs to end.

NOW.

So, for the next 9 weeks I'm going to work on adding 1 spiritual habit and 1 health habit a week to my life. I need to get back on track in both of those areas and they certainly aren't going to fix themselves.

THIS WEEK I already made 2 changes that I am pleased to report. They may not seem like much to you, but they've been very good for me.


Spiritual: I got off my butt and went back to church for Mass on Saturday. I've been REALLY bad about getting to Mass since this drama started finding it easier to hide in my home and avoid everyone on earth. I made the commitment yesterday to go back to Mass and was greeted in the choir loft with literally open arms.

God then proceeded to acknowledge my desperate need for a laugh and sent me an evening full of gaffs and giggles. I am immensely grateful! :)

Before leaving, I made the commitment to cantor next week so apparently I will be continuing this pattern - I am pleased to have made this choice.


Health: This may sound a bit odd and quite possibly crazy, but at least once a day this week I have walked outside of my house around my property for at least 10-15 minutes.

I know to most people this is not something that would be surprising, but to me, it was a HUGE change. I'd been hiding inside and away from people as much as humanly possible sometimes going days without leaving my home. This has stemmed from multiple problems.

I'm afraid of rattlesnakes and our neighborhood has recently become overpopulated with them leaving me afraid to leave an environment I can control on foot. I also have been so depressed I just didn't want to go anywhere but my couch and computer.

So it may not appear to be much to conquer and indeed I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I did it and I'm glad I did. I feel wonderful for having done it and am happy I made that conscious choice.


Next week I'm picking back up my daily Rosary praying habit having already done it for 3 days this week. It really helps calm me and could be considered an improvement in both areas although I will claim it in spiritual only. For health I'm going to go back to my habit of drinking 2 24 oz. bottles of water a day. Shame on me for getting out of it.

Rise Above It

Sometimes life leaves us with two choices...

Get caught in the mire...

Or rise above it.

I CHOOSE to rise above it.

I CHOOSE to rise above the gossip. Not simply for Biblical reasons - although we are certainly told many times over not to perpetrate gossip nor to be witnesses/idle participants. Not simply for "setting an example" for my son - although I certainly do not want my son picking up that horrid habit from prattling lips. Not simply for avoiding being a target - for everyone knows that the more you eschew gossip, the more you become the subject at hand.


I live in a tiny town in VERY rural America. There's 150 people here - and I, once again, am the subject of town gossip. We're the only Catholic family in our town. The only family with an only child. I'm not from here - so I'm an "outsider". I'm not planning on staying.

But recently a light appeared at the end of the tunnel. I will be leaving. It's not for a couple of years - but I WILL BE LEAVING.

And suddenly, with just that minor revelation I can rise above it just a bit easier because I KNOW that when I leave, they will have to find a new target. I know that where I am going I already have a dear friend whom I am happy to have in my life and who has already supported me through many trials with open arms, an open heart, and with an open coffee pot and an empty chair at her table.

I KNOW that I have dear friends here on the internet. They may not be right here - but they help me each and every single day to help hundreds of thousands of veterans across the country. I love them with all my heart even though we have never met.

I KNOW that in the end, it is I who will get in my car one last time, pull out of this driveway, and NEVER LOOK BACK.

Because...

I look forward. I look forward to the future and all the beautiful things that will transpire. I look forward to the beautiful things I know God has in store for me and my family. I look forward to all the immense blessings that are coming my way.

I rise above it...

...because I can.